I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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