I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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