i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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