We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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