i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
