I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
