Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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