Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
