Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
