Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
