I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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