he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
this is an emotional support booty call
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