Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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