If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
