Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
