HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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