wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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