all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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