It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
