So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
