I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
