tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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