his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
