my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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