dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We named our party play list daddy issues
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
