He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
