I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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