after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize