my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
