i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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