I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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