Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
love makes seman taste better
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
