I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
