Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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