Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
