he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize