whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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