I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
