drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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