if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
