is your mom at the bar?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
