Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
