I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
