just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
