you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
babies were throwing up all over the place
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to make out with him forever
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
