I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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