the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize