i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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