i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
