He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
