She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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