i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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