I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize