I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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