Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
