I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
