Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
whose parrot is this?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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