wrigley field is MILF paradise
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
