What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
