Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
