she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize