Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
