just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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