He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
