Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
