In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
